santa had always been worried that why he has one brother while his sister has two?????
santa selling parachute, tells the customer "jump from plane n press button & you can land safely."
CUSTOMER: if it doesn't open????
SARDAR : PAISA WAPAS.......
santa is walking along the road. He sees a banana peel. What does he think??
"UFF, Aj phir girna padega!!"
Then next day he is walking along the road, he sees two banana peels. What does he think??????? ?
"Ispe se giru, ya uspe se????"
Then the day after that he sees a lot of banana peels on the road. So he calls home and tells his wife..
"AAj ghar late aaoonga!!"
After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his wife and his son were returning to Punjab in Tamilnadu Express.
Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed.
When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth.
Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English.
Santa Singh explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."
Bush: Impossible does not come in my dictionary.. .
Santa: Phir dictionary dhek ke kharidni chahiye thi na. .
ekbar light gai hui thi.
SANTA : arre Banta bahuat garmi ho rahi hai, zara pankha lagana..
BANTA : kardi na sardaronwali baat!! pankha lagaya to moombatti bujh na jayegi??
Customer: Is mirror ki guarantee kya hai?
Santa : It is 99% safe.! 100 feet se fenkoge to 99 feet tak kuchh nahi hoga"!
Teacher to Santa " Where were U born?
Santa : In Tiruvanantapuram.
Teacher : Spell it?
Santa : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.
Santa : People consider me as a "GOD"
Banta : How do you know??
Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U have come again..
Santa complained 2 Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my house.
Police : How the theif did not take TV???
Santa : I was watching TV na....
Thought for the Day!!!
If you call your mother as MUM.. What will you call Mother's younger sis and elder sis?
Answer : MINIMUM & MAXIMUM
When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?
Answer : On their Wedding !!
Whats the height of Intelligence?
Answer : A 99 year old Santa going for HUTCH ka naya lifetime scheme ..
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Technical Support and Computer users
TAKE A LOOK:
1 ) Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer : "Ok."
Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?"
Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
------------ --------- --------- --------- -
2) Customer : "I received the software update you sent, but I am still
getting the same error message."
Tech Support : "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
3)Customer : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support : "Tell me what you've done."
Customer : "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
Tech Support : "Sir, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support : "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer : "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
4).Customer : "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support : ?!%#$ (well pretend to smile)
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
5). Tech Support : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,
can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
Tech support : ??????
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
6) Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer : "A white one."
Tech support : ?????
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
7). Tech Support : "What operating system are you running?"
Customer : "Pentium."
Tech support : ??????
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
8).Customer : "I have Microsoft Exploder."
Tech Support : ??????
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
9). Customer : "How do I print my voicemail?"
Tech support : ??????
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
10). Customer : "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to
print document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support : "What does it say?"
Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
Tech support : ?????
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
11). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open
24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
12). Tech Support : "What does the screen say now?"
Customer : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support : "Well?"
Customer : "How do I know when it's ready?"
Tech support : ??????
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
The best of the lot
13). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that
his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: (keep quite)
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup
and it will fix the
problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
Tech support::
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech
is frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there
is an undocumented DOS
command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM
the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User : MS-DOS 6.22 .
Tech : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with
NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you
the file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User : I need a new power supply.
Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?
User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he
started asking questions about the maker of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Height Of all (Too Good)
14) customer care officer: I need a product identification number
right now and may I help u in
finding it out?
Customer: sure
CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
Customer: I did left click but how do I find your computer?
1 ) Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer : "Ok."
Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?"
Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
------------ --------- --------- --------- -
2) Customer : "I received the software update you sent, but I am still
getting the same error message."
Tech Support : "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
3)Customer : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support : "Tell me what you've done."
Customer : "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
Tech Support : "Sir, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support : "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer : "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
4).Customer : "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support : ?!%#$ (well pretend to smile)
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
5). Tech Support : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,
can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
Tech support : ??????
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
6) Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer : "A white one."
Tech support : ?????
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
7). Tech Support : "What operating system are you running?"
Customer : "Pentium."
Tech support : ??????
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
8).Customer : "I have Microsoft Exploder."
Tech Support : ??????
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
9). Customer : "How do I print my voicemail?"
Tech support : ??????
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
10). Customer : "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to
print document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support : "What does it say?"
Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
Tech support : ?????
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
11). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open
24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
12). Tech Support : "What does the screen say now?"
Customer : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support : "Well?"
Customer : "How do I know when it's ready?"
Tech support : ??????
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
The best of the lot
13). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that
his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: (keep quite)
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup
and it will fix the
problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
Tech support::
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech
is frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there
is an undocumented DOS
command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM
the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User : MS-DOS 6.22 .
Tech : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with
NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you
the file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User : I need a new power supply.
Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?
User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he
started asking questions about the maker of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Height Of all (Too Good)
14) customer care officer: I need a product identification number
right now and may I help u in
finding it out?
Customer: sure
CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
Customer: I did left click but how do I find your computer?
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Joke of the day :)
Nafsiyat ki klass mei professor ney chohey kay samny choiya or gandum ka dana rakha.
Choha danay ki taraf gaya...
Professor ney makae ka dana rakha....
Chohy nay is martaba bhi choiya per dehan nai diya....
Professor bola: Dekha bhok mei ziyada taqat hai..
Pichle bench sey awaz aae....
"Sir aik dafa choiya bhi badal ker dekhen"
Choha danay ki taraf gaya...
Professor ney makae ka dana rakha....
Chohy nay is martaba bhi choiya per dehan nai diya....
Professor bola: Dekha bhok mei ziyada taqat hai..
Pichle bench sey awaz aae....
"Sir aik dafa choiya bhi badal ker dekhen"
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Why Bill gates resign?? @ Funny
Letter from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft
Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
____________ ______
2. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
____________ ______
3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
____________ _____
4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
____________ _____
5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you will povide the remaining items?
____________ _____
6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
____________ _____
7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
____________ ____
8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
____________ ____
9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
10. The Last one......
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?
Regards,
Banta
Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
____________ ______
2. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
____________ ______
3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
____________ _____
4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
____________ _____
5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you will povide the remaining items?
____________ _____
6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
____________ _____
7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
____________ ____
8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
____________ ____
9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
10. The Last one......
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?
Regards,
Banta
Thursday, May 21, 2009
SILENT ROLE
T V producer ne eik aadakari k shoqeen
shakhs se kaha.................
Kal T V station par aajana,
" Eik khawind ka role hai "
to us shakhs ne kaha....... sorry, main
silent role nahin karon ga.
shakhs se kaha.................
Kal T V station par aajana,
" Eik khawind ka role hai "
to us shakhs ne kaha....... sorry, main
silent role nahin karon ga.
SILENT ROLE
T V producer ne eik aadakari k shoqeen
shakhs se kaha.................
Kal T V station par aajana,
" Eik khawind ka role hai "
to us shakhs ne kaha....... sorry, main
silent role nahin karon ga.
shakhs se kaha.................
Kal T V station par aajana,
" Eik khawind ka role hai "
to us shakhs ne kaha....... sorry, main
silent role nahin karon ga.
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